Not Alone In The Desert
Since Pete’s last surgery, when we aren’t working or having any responsibilities at home, Pete wants to take a drive. I used to reluctantly agree to these drives, especially after talking all day to customers at my job. But as time has progressed, my mindset about them has changed. They have become a breath of fresh air in this hard, exhausting desert.
Pete and I will discuss a myriad of subjects, from our horrible football teams, to random history facts from the last documentary he watched, to work, to our kids, and to how hard all of this is. We know that hardship is not unique to us but sometimes it feels like it is just one thing after another and the battle of the mind is being won by Satan, not us.
The reason why I’ve grown to enjoy and cherish these rides, though, is because they have become our sanctuary, where we can fully be ourselves and not who we project to the world, with each other and with God. More and more, our time involves praying and expressing our dependence on God but also reminding ourselves of God’s character. That He has not left us alone. That He is fighting on our behalf.
Last night, though, I was able to sneak in a recording of our worship time in the car and it just means so much to me. We were scream-crying, which is very similar to ugly-crying, but fighting/screaming through the tears to worship Him. Telling Him how exhausted we are but screaming our belief in His ability to heal Pete and to take care of us. Acknowledging that it is very hard right now but also that He is in control. Relinquishing any delusion of having control over any of this but working to trust Him through it all.
We reminded ourselves of the story in the Bible where angels were detained fighting on Daniel’s behalf. We reminded ourselves of Exodus 17 that says, "When Moses's hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up--one on one side, one on the other--so that his hands remained steady till sunset."
In the midst of our desert season, we are very thankful for you holding our arms up when we can't do it ourselves. And every bit of it emboldens us to keep fighting and worshipping through the tears. We have been blessed by so many ways you support us - financially, buying groceries and gift cards, contributing to renting a hospital bed after his surgery, and much more. Every word of encouragement you send us through a video, voice message, or text reminds us that we are not alone. We say it a lot because we mean it - we couldn’t make it through this mental battle without you!
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